Marin Mother's Group Forums

As a working mom I never have time to catch up on my news anymore. Although it makes me sad that I'm no longer an avid reader of the NY Times (I love their international coverage) or US Weekly, I have a new substitute: Southern Marin Mother's Group forums. From advice on where and when to get a breast lift to whether someone is "perimenopausal"- whatever the hell that is- to whether it's ok to think your children are total a$$holes, these daily "digest" emails are starting to finally make up for the lack of "real" news coverage in my life.

Here is a recent post: WHO IS MORE IMPORTANT, ME OR MY KIDS?:

I am really intrigued by the conversations going back and forth on multiple threads here. There seems to be a wave of sentiment that echoes something I heard from Madeleine Levine in her "Teach your Children Well" event at Book Passage - which is that it's OK not to make your kids the center of your universe. Marin is probably one of the places that was first to adopt the helicopter mom style of parenting. I know it's constantly being parodied now, but if you think about its origins -- which I imagine had something to do with a society (admittedly an elite one) in which well-educated, organized and ambitious moms had the means to quit their high-powered C-level Harvard MBA jobs and devote all that Type-A energy towards parenting -- there's really nothing nefarious or self-centered or ill-intentioned there. It was just a natural evolution of a certain segment of society. But now, I sense a tiny shift back toward the "old school" bad-mom type of parenting. You know, the mom on the phone for an hour between 6-7 with the glass of wine. Mine did it with a Winston in her mouth too. She shot me a death glare if I dared to interrupt it. I used to hate it, so why am I nostalgic about it now? Is it because I still struggle with the almost-inevitable desire to keep up with those mythical Joneses- the ones who probably never have sex and are down to their last 2 dollars and fight every night, but by golly their little angel scored 2 goals at soccer last week!! Is it because I wonder if my kids will suffer in the long run because I do not plan play dates and am now so turned off by the weird mom dynamics at their "excellent" public school (so excellent that everyone has private tutors for everything...STF??) that I actively avoid socializing with other school families. Or because I worry that I'm ruining them forever if we quit soccer after one season? If I'm the grinch that voices the opinion that no, they don't need a trophy just for showing up, especially cuz my kid sucked hard at soccer and phoned it in all season? Is it because I feel that I am the only one in my group of friends who will ever admit that my kids are weird and awkward and sometimes mean? How is it possible that everyone else's kids are always nice, sweet and incredibly smart and of course would never do ANYthing to hurt someone else? I am always heartened to see posts on SMMC that echo some of these sentiments, but what will it really take for these feelings to go from (anonymous) posts to reality? Is there an underparenting group that I can join? Will anyone join me for some box wine and a Winston at 6pm tomorrow night?? Thanks for listening, ladies.

Just decided to start blogging again. Although I'm most inspired on the road, there has been enough material in my Marin mother's group forums to make me feel like I'm abroad. To get me excited here is a summary of one of my favorite trips ever- Tokyo!


My husband and I were fortunate enough to spend eight days of our honeymoon in a city
that we eventually declared the most fascinating place on earth. It seemed that there was
a cultural adventure waiting for us around each of Tokyo’s nooks and crannies every time
we stepped out of our hotel. I don't know what else we expected from a country where
the Prime Minister's wife in an interview with CNN told her countrymen that she flew to
Venus on a flying saucer, her husband has been too, she eats the SUN and she wants to
do a movie with Tom Cruise because they were friends in a previous life, but we were
sure in store for some remarkable surprises.

Where do I begin? The Cat Café that is conveniently located in the middle of the nightlife
district near Shinjuku, Tokyo where you can literally make a night out of getting drunk
and playing with cats for ten bucks an hour? Or Japan's version of the reality TV show
The Bachelor, where a group of ladies are eliminated over a forty-minute period and at
the end of the show the last standing lady decides whether she wants to sign a marriage
contract with a guy she knows nothing more about than his salary, the fact that he is in
his thirties, and that he's a so-so Rocks, Paper, Scissors player?

At one point within our first day in Tokyo a nap was the next item on our agenda but
I couldn't sleep despite the jet lag because I was so eager beaver to get to Toto Super
Space. Toto Super Space was a real gem which housed examples of Japan’s world-
leading toilet technology. Toto was filled with toilets of all shapes and functions that
automatically lifted their seats as I walked by. Some of them turned on via the Internet,
others analyzed what was in there. No, really. Thank the lord flash photography was
allowed- I sure had fun with my camera in there.

The Japanese are so use to top of the line toilets that they have to excuse themselves
whenever the toilets at an establishment are sub-par. We stayed in a nice three-star hotel
in the center of Tokyo for part of our trip which had a toilet seat that didn't warm up.
To compensate, our toilet had a sign that read "this toilet seat doesn't get warm because
it doesn't use electricity. The operation method is different from the one that does use
electricity. Please look at ‘How to Use Shower Toilet’ for more information." Really?
Honestly folks? Our toilet has an instruction manual even though it won't even warm up?
Weird! I was on the verge of calling the front desk and getting a legitimate answer as to
why our toilet seat was so low-quality because I'll be honest, we were fairly "shocked."
After all, even hole in the wall Indian restaurants have warm toilet seats in Japan.

After getting over the toilet phenomenon, one of the pinnacles of our Tokyo extravaganza
was a night at a bar called Kagaya. I don't know if you could call this place a bar, it was
more like a way of life. It was run entirely by "Mark," whose crackpot behavior made
the bar famous. As soon as we sat down we were greeted by Mark's obligatory robot who
brought hand towels to our table. Then Mark brought us the menu, which he translated
into English by stroking it up and down and telling us how sexy it was. He explained that
in his bar you pick a drink and a country every time you order. I choose soju with green
tea and Brazil. Mark prepared my beverage then disappeared into his closet where he

dressed up in a Carnival outfit, loaded up his CD player with samba music and came out
of the closet hooting and hollering like a madman as he served me a drink in a cup that
shook and wiggled every time I picked it up. My husband had to pour his drink out of a
glass with a boy peeing. Japan is an interesting country.

When it came time to eat we didn't get to pick what we ate, instead we just had to choose
which type of menu we ordered from. One of the choices was: "Hey Master, you know
what, today I'm feeling free. Get me something soothing. Wow me. Bang me. You know
what I'm talking about...2625 yen."

When Mark finally brought out our bill which was rolled up in a Barbie doll's shirt, I
thought to myself- wow, the Prime Minister's wife is really starting to make sense to me.
Tokyo must be a very special place.

Missing London

I miss London dearly. I'm exhausted now but I think I need to write at least some of my British experience before it becomes a distant dream. Plus I've been peer pressured. Thanks Ping:)

So yeah. I miss London. I miss knickerbockers at the ice cream store (whatever those are), I miss the bus and tube stops. There are so many circus stops in London Brett asked me if there use to be real circuses there- I told him there were even though I didn't know. Besides Picadilly Circus and Oxford Circus I loved the train stop "Bremley upon Bromley" and I swear there was a bus stop called "Pigs fly over Hanover".  Hey match.co date- just meet me at Pigs fly over Hanover!

Where do they get these names from? Harry Potter??? Honestly.

I miss British accents. I miss being able to get on the tube and hear 15 different languages in the span of an hour. I miss Maddox being exposed to so many different people and loving all of them except one creep on the tube.

When we arrived in London we were expecting sheer and utter chaos. Instead we found calm serenity. Well sort of. Heathrow airport was a dream. We cleared customs in 2 minutes. Our bags arrived 5 minutes later. Why is it that whenever we do something ridiculous- like the day we took a taxi, then a ferry from Estonia to Finland, then another taxi, then a flight to London and arrive during the Olympics we get our bags just fine. Then whenever we take a flight on Southwest 1.5 hours to San Diego- surprise surprise, they've lost our luggage. Idiots.

We then hopped on the Heathrow express and then took the tube to my friend Sabrina's house. There were volunteers everywhere wearing Pepto Bismol Pink always eager to give info (which was rarely correct, but hey, at least they were trying). My mom would have been in absolute heaven. She loves nothing more than to ask people for directions every 5 feet and in London during the Olympics she could have done that. No problem.

In fact, not only were the pink volunteers nice, everyone in London was unusually friendly. I'm not sure if there was some sort of public service announcement there or what but I was pleasantly surprised. So many people offered to help us carry Maddox's stroller in the tube I finally was like- what the heck. I don't want to help Brett carry it anymore. GO AHEAD!

We had a great time with my friend Sabrina, her mum, fiancee and adorable 5 year old son Ronan (who I will always remember for calling Maddox MAGNUS and for stopping strangers when we took him to the Olympic park to inform them "this is NOT my little brother. That is NOT my mum. That is NOT my dad.)

Sabrina and her fam were so incredibly nice to host us, and they even watched Maddox one night til 2am while Brett and I went to watch beach volleyball at the Olympics. We did not mean to stay out that late but we were having SO much fun, we were literally jumping up and down screaming "Che-z-she" (rooting for the Czechs) for awhile and we just couldn't tear ourselves away from the scene. There is an incredible energy at the Olympics and something so cool about being at the largest peacetime gathering in the world.

We also met the Spanish swim team and the girl holding Maddox is Spain's silver medalist and the best swimmer they've had in 20 years!!! She was quite impressed with little Maddox as you can imagine.

We had a rude awakening the next morning when we had to wake up at 5:30 to walk, then take 2 tubes, then a train, then a ferry, then walk again to get to my aunt's convent where she is a cloistered nun. Talking to my aunt is like spending time with a fossil. She's super well informed on certain issues and has been around the block but since she can't leave the convent (her sitch is no Sister Act!!!) she's not in tune with reality. And I'm not just saying that because she is married to God. Last time she was a free woman everyday people had milkmen.

The last pic below is a pic I took of a pic. We are not allowed that kind of access- we had to visit with her behind jail-like bars. More on that later. I'm too tired to write anymore.

With only three days in London we had no option but to barely sleep and cram it all in! It was a jam packed but incredibly fun time! Now I'm back at home, and according to my mom the TV is popping!

Mum: "Have you seen Craft Wars?"
Me: "No."
Mum: "It's with Tory Spelling. If you liked Extreme Couponing, you'll love this. They make beds out of keys."
Me: "Ok....."
Mum: "Oh and Master Chef is great. There is a blind chef who had to cook a live lobster. The lobster bit her. And Misadvise."
Me: "I'm not going to remember all of these."
Mum: "Don't worry- I'll text them to you."

I want to go back to London!!!!

I was just in Estonia and at the Olympics but watch out CRAFT WARS! HERE I COME WITH MY GLUE GUN!!!!!!!! Nobody makes me want to glue popsicle sticks together like Tory Spelling.

KGB in Estonia

Today we went on a Soviet Tour of Estonia- we went to the Soviet Life Museum and then to the Hotel Viru, which the KGB built to spy on tourists in Soviet times. The tour at the hotel was absolutely fascinating- we learned the ins and outs of KGB monitoring at the hotel. There was however, one anecdote from the tour that made ZERO sense- the hotel employees were not even allowed to talk to the tourists- how the hell did that work? I can't imagine staying in a hotel that was run entirely without speaking to the guests but then again what more would you expect from a government that thinks its cool beans to arrest a baby at 2am for overstaying his welcome for 2 hours.

There were some very interesting stories about the rooms being tapped- when guests would complain to each other that they were out of TP, some lady in a babushka would turn up 5 minutes later with a fresh roll of toilet paper.

As Brett put it- the Soviet government was like a piece of Laffy Taffy candy (the kind of candy that comes with a joke)- the first CLUE (reminds me of the board game) that their way of life was unsustainable should have been that they spent an untold amount of time and money shielding their country folk from other cultures supposedly because they were the BEST. They were also the hardest working- communism bred some real workhorses. You can see it today in their pubs! When my parents visited Russia in Soviet times they couldn't hail a cab with money to save their lives- it wasn't until they held out a stick of gum that a can would stop for them.

What a cool era to live in- one where a piece of gum was LITERALLY chewed for 2 months bc it was such a treat!!!!! If you were ever lucky enough to come across a piece and you were über-generous, you might even let your friend chew for 20 minutes (we learned this today from our tour guide- I'm not joking)!

In fact, as we learned today, the USSR was so F-ing good that they could not even build the hotel we were in today in less than 8 or so years so they had to bring in the Finns to build the dang thing so they could start monitoring foreigners before their god damn regime was over in 1991.

See below for a pic of the gate to the Old Town and Maddox in the secret KGB headquarters on the top floor of the Hotel Viru. As the sign read when we got there: "there is nothing here."
Sure! And the North Korean weightlifting gold medalist we saw tonight didn't take any performance enhancing substances!

One thing I thought was super interesting was that there were no "Soviet Times" museums of any sort in Russia- all there was were nostalgia producing positive Soviet cafes that the era seem more like the 70s in the US. Ample food and drink, etc... All the museums knocking the government at that time were in Latvia and Estonia. Coincidence? I don't think so!

Off to London tomorrow- yippee!!!

More fun in Tallin

Today was another wonderful day in Tallinn. We went to a restaurant/beer hall where such famous people as Uma Turman had been!!!!!! I couldn't believe it (see photo below). I just felt overcome with joy and admiration having been able to dine in the very same venue where Uma enjoyed a meal!!!!! Uma! Uma! Uma! Ums! Umi! Oh how I love you and admire your work.

We were suppose to go to a music festival in the countryside but we decided against it when our cab driver told us it was a festival for dirty hippies, the music sucked and GET THIS- they had a CHOLERA outbreak last year. What???? Cholera!!!!!! Really? That does seem to further authenticate our medieval times experience in this awesome walled city but we do have a baby so we decided to opt out.

We also took Maddox to a super cool puppet show/puppet museum. He loved the show so much he was dancing in my lap- especially during the Macarena act. He didn't even care that the show was in Estonian. After the show and a quick tour of the medieval town hall we went to an indoor water park. Maddox is certainly a water baby. He met a cute Estonian baby and they enjoyed splashing each other and holding hands as us parents discussed life in Estonia.

We noticed again today that sure, there are lots of tourists here but most of them are European. How do I know? Well it's all about the length of shorts and swim trunks the men wear. European men prefer just above the knee. European men go for the short and sweet look, sporting speedos in the pool and daisy duke nut huggers I. The street. Doesn't matter if they're old or young or whether they have kankles or ankles.

Another thing I've noticed in the Baltics is most of the homeless people are super cute. I know that sounds weird but I doubt they are homeless, they are relatively clean, and a lot of then are old. We saw an 80 year old woman sing for her supper on a street corner in Latvia and my heart just melted.

However, today we saw a not so cool homeless man touting a full Polish all red snazzy Olympic outfit and I wont be the first to tell you those aren't cheap! He was holding a sign that read "Give me all your money! Send me back home!" please buddy. The only place I can afford to send you is that Biomassage venue, which I have since seen another ad for. Not only will they massage your prostate professionally, they have a "SPECIAL" promotion running now where they will also conduct a hygienic shaving of intimidate zones while you relax!" Seems to me this Polish bloke is so super clean and rich already that the only way we could really help him would be to sponsor the shaving of his intimate zones.

We have a few more days in Estonia before we head to the Olympics! We can't wait so we have been reading up on all things Olympic, including the Paraolympics. I didn't realize the Paraolympics were tinged with so mug scandal. Apparently they have issues ranging from steroid use in dwarfs, people that lie about mental disabilities to get on the teams and others who break their bones to raise their blood pressure which has been shown to increase their chances of winning by 15 percent. Dang!!!! Crazy! If you haven't already do some Internet research. You will be shocked!

We just watched Michael Phelps get creamed in his first event. I'm sure he won't be getting nearly as much action in the Olympic Village tonight. Pobrecito.

The tabloids have been filled with talk of Olympic Village hook-ups which my family finds fascinating and also a way to blend in with the locals. Brett and I were at the grocery store when I opted to buy a trashy gossip magazine for 1 Euro. Then as we sat down at a cafe outside I realized- how cool is this. People will think I'm Estonian because I'm reading Estonian. What a concept! What a strategy. Not sure why I didn't do this on other trips.

Until later,

Sarah

Tallin, Estonia

We are now in Tallin, Estonia, Europe's best preserved Medieval city. We are staying in the old town which is surrounded by 13th century walls and towers. I feel safe here.

Our hotel is in an old merchant's house and even the walls are Uneaxo protected sites. I'll make sure Maddox doesn't go at them with a sledge hammer.

It wasn't easy getting all our luggage here but we have a good system worked out. I'm not sure how after traveling for all these years I still don't have packing light down but it's not easy with a baby!

They really play up the Medieval theme here and if I have enough drinks I might forget I'm in a real medieval city and instead think I'm in one of those medieval fairs I went to as a child. There are people dressed in period costume, fire jugglers and jousters in the old town square. It's actually fun and pretty cool. There are way more tourists here than Riga but at least 95 percent of them are European which adds to the authentic ambiance.

We had a unique medieval dinner of boar, elk and bear sausages and an incredibly delish but hearty filet of wild elk with local berries. Estonia is also known for their beer and we had the most unique beer at dinner- light cinnamon and dark herbal varieties made in-house. Brett is in heaven!

We had a warm welcome here to Tallin, our cab driver was the nicest and funniest man we have come across in the Baltics and when we arrived in the airport they were nice enough to hand us a map of the old town. The map was filled with all sorts of ads to get our creative juices flowing trying to figure out what to do here. They really offer up some rare activities here including:

"Biomassage for Men: Anonymous Practical Help for Men with Potency Problems. An experienced specialist invites gentlemen to special intimidate massage with orgasm (without sex, possible massage of the prostate) in order to restore, enhanced and sustain stable potency. A personalized approach, confidentiality, results and an unforgettable new feeling guaranteed! Courteous and profession health service. Do not miss your chance!"

Really??????? Really?????? Sign my man up!!! It's a medical service after all and no sex is involved just a regular old prostate massage. Just what we were looking for. Awesome. And best of all our potency problems can be solved. Whatever those are. We won't miss our chance lady!!!

I wonder if they also offer some medical treatment for sleazy babies because Maddox might be in the market for something like that soon. His flirting is getting out of control! He's getting so aggressive we have nicknamed him the Italian Stallion.

Today he convinced some lady in the airport to give him a 10 minute Xhinese language lesson. He also isn't getting enough satisfaction anymore from merely flirting with the waitresses by smiling and catching their eye. Now he has moved on to sometimes trying to undress them by pulling on their aprons. I'm not sure until what age this behavior will remain acceptable but we may need to come back to this bio clinic here for help!

Until later!

Friendly Riga

We have spent three wonderful days in Riga, Latvia, the European Union's second cheapest capital city (first is Tallin, Estonia where we are headed in 2 days!).

Most people probably don't know that in Riga, just a block from where we are staying, is where the tradition of decorating the Xmas tree started at Blackbeard's House, an old fraternity of sailors who one night got drunk, cut down a Xmas tree and decided to decorate it with flowers (see the first picture below). Rigans are also known for their voices as they are all suppose to be great singers and they had a singing revolution to protest occupation by the Soviet Union where people formed a human chain linking arms and singing from Lithuania through Latvia to Estonia. Pretty cool. We saw a man in a babushka and skirt singing a song he must have made up called "Baby" and he sure didn't have a voice to write home about but whatever.

Riga is incredibly beautiful, has tons to see and the people here are actually nice. Well, maybe they aren't that nice but having just left Russia these people seem sweeter than sugar. I have some sort of culture shock after our Russian experience so when I buy a water in the train station here and am thanked I'm humbled and overwhelmed with people who seem sweeter than sugar when maybe these are just normal pleasantries we should all expect from clerks in our 7-11 equivalents.

But seriously the people here are nice, the parents of young kids stop to talk to us about Maddox, when we ask for directions people are willing to help (one guy even walked us 10 mins to the train station).

Being with Maddox we meet tons of people because he is just so outgoing and can't stop smiling at everyone he sees. His hobby is to catch someone's eye until they pay attention to him. He's especially fond of baby girls slightly his senior and the older ladies like him too! Once again he got so sick of us the other night he almost started crying when we were enjoying a pub crawl on one of the many summer terraces here but his attitude took a 180 every time this 70 year old Norwegian couple looked his way. Eventually they just grabbed him and he sat with them, happy as a clam for the next 30 minutes.

Last night we were able to spend 6 hours at a summer terrace with another Norwegian couple we met because Maddox was so happy to be able to communicate with them and flirt with the 40 year old woman as we sat and enjoyed our evening. He is hilarious.

Maddox has been a joy to travel with and we are having more fun with him than we could have imagined. Today we took him to the beach for the first time in Jurmala- and he absolutely loved playing in the sand and the ocean. He even crawled back into ocean from our spot in the sand and laughed as the waves crashed over
his legs.

Jurmala is known as the French Riviera of the Baltics, but its also known for its bad haircuts (it's where the rich Russians go to show off their trophy wives and their wives' sexy mullets).

Besides thoroughly enjoying getting lost in the cobbled stone streets of the old town, we took a tour of the Art Nouveau Architecture, walked through the most beautiful park we have ever seen, visited the Museum of the Occupation and went to the largest Nazi concentration camp in the Baltics where 100,000 Jews were murdered.

The former concentration camp now houses a giant sculpture garden and memorial black onyx slab of stone with a metronome that ticks like a beating heart. It was creepy to hear the non-stop heartbeat and to stand in a field where such atrocities have taken place.

Even getting to the concentration camp was an erie experience. We took a train to get there and planned on following the directions in our trusty Lonely Planet- follow the path on the barracks side of the track. When we got off the train we were in the middle
of a desolate forest and found no signs to indicate we were in the right place. Luckily we saw a couple at the train stop who told us that it was very difficult to get to the site and they had found it based on directions they found on their phone on tripadvisor. They told us it would be hard to get there but well worth seeing.

Basically there were zero signs and we would have to follow a concrete road, turn right at the fork and then turn left at some abandoned wooden goal posts. After walking for 30 minutes or so we realized we had taken a wrong turn somewhere and started to get a little frustrated and angry at Lonely Planet. Luckily we ran into Latvian mushroom and berry pickers every so often so we weren't completely alone.

Clearly the guidebook author had never been to this site, otherwise they may have mentioned things like- there are no places to buy food or water, no signs and you have to follow several unmarked roads through the forest.

Thanks Lonely Planet!!! Eventually we asked directions from two 10 year old boys on bikes who understood English well enough to take us there.

Luckily Brett and I travel together incredibly well. I'm in charge of motivating us to do cool things and he is able to keep calm and carry on when things don't go our way. On this trip we have been able to agree on most everything except the quality of the Latvian champagne.

Brett thinks "Riga's Diva: Red Fusion" $4 a bottle champagne is the best thing since sliced bread. I think it's sweet, sick tasting and made for underage drinkers and transvestites. We can't agree on everything but so is life!

Locked up Abroad: Family Edition

Last night we boarded a 15 hour train to Latvia, leaving St Petersburg at 7:30pm. The train started out to be a pleasant journey. Maddox enjoyed looking out the window and Brett and i sat down for a cup of tea and biscuits.

At 3am we were awoken by Russian immigration at the border, as we expected. After inspecting our passports we were informed that there was a problem.... Apparently our visas were valid through July 20th and although we left Russia on the 20th we didn't TECHNICALLY leave Russia until 2am on the 21st. Who gives a flying fu$k??? Well- the Russians do!

This 15 year old soldier instructed us to get off the train. Are you kidding me? We have a baby! Despite our protests we eventually were kicked out of our nice room and ordered off the train in the middle of nowhere. We were filed into an immigration detention center where we would spend the night, using the outhouse as a bathroom. Yay!

Luckily I snagged a few bottles of water from the train for Maddox's bottles because they had no clean water or food or stores of any kind nearby. Brett and I didn't eat anything or drink more than a sip for 24 hours- we had to save our water for Maddox. Luckily we had his food and even an iPad to entertain him. We slept in chairs in the immigration detention center- Maddox slept on my lap happily while we awaited a translator who was to arrive at 9am.

The next morning our round little
Munchkin arrived to translate what we already knew- we overstayed our welcome in their crap country by 2 hours and now we were going to pay. Clearly their policy is to keep people
from staying in Russia illegally- not to shake down tourists for more money. And since I did not have a hotel for the 21st I didn't think I could get a visa for that day and I'm sure they wouldn't allow it. Also, because I bought my ticket on a Latvian site which said nothing of this potential visa issue or what time we would actually leave Russia there was no way I could have known.

This translator was a real riot- once I realized what was happening I started questioning her about their practices and how she felt arresting a little baby at 2am. Well, this was the first baby arrest of her career. That made me feel better.

While Brett went to the bank to get money I tried to annoy the immigration authorities (I now knew they were harmless) by playing loud nursery rhymes and rap on my iPhone and taking Maddox in to play on their computers. When this lady told me to leave the room because she was working on my "protocol" I left but came back "sorry! My baby has now been traveling for 15 hours and is sick of looking at your walls. He likes computers!"

Brett later told me that "protocol" is a Soviet term indicative of the large bureaucracy and red tape the Soviet Union was known for. For me "protocol" was indicative of our translator being mentally retarded (it took her 45 minutes and her coworker yelling at her for her to be able to add our address to a standard form. It took her even longer to man the printer. She was super annoying but funny too and she couldn't resist Maddox's charm.

After shaking us down (Brett had to go to the bank and give them some $), they made us sign something in Russia. I tried to videotape this bi$ch making us sign the form and letting us know what we were signing but she kept saying "niet! Niet! Niet! Erase"so I kept on taping just in case.

We ended up taking a cab ride for 6 hours so we didnt have to wait until 3am for the next train. The cabbie was from the scariest Russian we had seen yet- 350 lbs, huge scar on his arm, etc.
The cab ride was fine despite the hour stopover at the border (the Russians are incredibly efficient!!!!!!) until we got to Riga, Latvia- at which point our driver refused to take us to our hotel because he "didn't know how to get there" which was what we gathered although he spoke no English. He then called a cab and wouldn't let us give him directions, even when we found a Russian- English speaking teenager who could translate for us. That's the Russian way. Crazy!!!!

And did I mention he was playing 70s/80s American love ballads the entire ride. I swear to Baby Jesus (shout out to Courtney) every single song was "Susanna" or "Desiree" or "Valerie" and went something like "Valerie- how I love you. Valllll-arie"

Cool it on the love ballads man! Am I being tortured or driven to freedom? I felt like I was in the midst of some sick fraternity hazing scheme.

Finally we arrived at our hotel in absolutely charming storybook like Riga (see last photo- pic from our hotel
room). We are so happy to be somewhere seemingly safe and whose people hate the Russians as much as we do (Russia occupied Latvia on and off until 1991);)

We will certainly be able to laugh at this all years later and at least we got the true Russian experience! Hey!

And we now can be certain little Maddox is a true traveler. I was laughing thinking about all the new moms who freak out taking their baby on a 2 hour plane ride or heaven forbid a plane to Hawaii!!!!! Maddox just traveled for 24 hours straight- from 6.5 hours on a train, to 10 hours in a detention center, to a 6 hour cab ride and then after 20 mins crawling he even sat through dinner. He is an angel! And of course he was happier than all of us and didn't cry for more than 20 seconds the whole trip! I on the other handing was in the detention center "bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!"

Brett was also cool as a cucumber although he later old told me this was the worst day of his life. But one that we will remember!

Now that we are in incredible Riga we will really be able to enjoy the rest of or trip! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger;)

2 More Gems & Peterhof

Your typical fashion forward St Petersburgians- and this isn't even the half of it. I saw some WAY better ones but in places/sitches where it wasn't as appropriate to snag a photo.

We saw the lady with the bootie shorts after we got off the ferry from Peterhof- Peter the Great's extravagant summer palace known for its incredible fountains. We had perfect weather today.

Also we found a new solution for when Maddox gets testy with us- we just move him to the next table (see photo below). He couldn't stop smiling at this Russian chick who was on our canal tour last night. We then ran into her today at Peterhof and when he got sick of looking at us we just strolled him over to her table and left him there for the remainder of the meal. She seemed to love him and if she didn't we couldn't communicate anyways so We could at least play dumb and enjoy our kebabs in peace!

St Petersburg was one of the most beautiful cities we have ever seen- at least it was the most opulent of all te cities we have been to in Europe. Couple that with the woman who screamed at me in Russian at the Ickes counter at Peterhof today with the hairdos from hell and I'm in heaven!

St Petersburg is known as the Venice of the North and the Russians adore the Italians. See picture below for why... It's got to be either their fashion sense or their haircuts. I've never seen so many mullets in my life!Mull-power!!!!!!!!!!!Mull! Mull!Mullet!

Straight from the street to u (see below): There were a few other hairdos I couldn't document today but saw with my very eyes: white girl with cornrows outside of the Caribbean and my personal fav- woman with buzz cut AND TAIL!!!

Dang- now I feel like I've been wasting my time in the am when I take a few moments from my day to match Maddox's pacifier and especially his paci clip to his outfit. I bet nobody here notices or even cares! Dang! How rude!

Today we didn't make it to Peterhof- we hope to go tomorrow. The ferries weren't running during the storm but the weather did clear up enough for us to take a lovely cruise on the Fontanka. Of course the cruise was in Russian. While there are no English signs anywhere here this boat co decided to put one up in English to lore us in, then we got on the boat and the whole trip was in Russian. Oh well- at least it was still pretty.

We also went back to the Hermitage (we couldn't resist/ I didn't know Brett was such an art lover!) and to Peter the Great's Museum of Atrocities where we thought we could show Maddox Rasputin's penis in a jar but apparently that's somewhere else do instead we saw all kind of deformed fetuses that Peter gave rewards for and saved in jars (flipper feet, 2 heads etc). The museum apparently use to have live exhibits including a man with two digits on each limb and a hermie (hermaphrodite) but the hermie escaped!

Love and borscht