It's 3am in Madrid, Spain and you don't know if you want to go clubbing or eat. What do u do???

No worries my friend I have you covered- they have a clubbing/.resturant combo where you can dance in the aisles to clubbing jams as you wait for your food. 

But first- Stand in a line as if u were about to get into a club. Meet a guy whose shirt you like- ask him how much it will cost to get it off his back 

Go Dutch or Go Home!!!!

More on Morocco since it's 4:24 and I still can't sleep

For those that think I'm a super adventurous parent that loves to bring my kids everywhere y'all are wrong!!

I've seen several parents here with a baby or toddler and all I can think of is either they have mellow kids, they drug their kids OR they are bat sh$t crazy. 

It's bad enough taking your 1 and 3 hear old to Costco and having them eat that sample cookie off the floor. It's a whole other ball game when any person that might come up and pinch their cute little cheeks with 2 hands only eats with their right hand bc they use their left hand to wipe their butt and then don't bother to wash their hands.

OR when your little one not only drops their pacifier on the street but in a pool of sheep's head blood or monkey poo. 

Also something about having my kids walk by other kids who are being drugged by their beggar parents to lay on the st all day just doesn't seem right.

Sure Maddox got to spend the night in an immigration detention center in Russia before he turned 1 but at least he didn't get Giardia! 

Not sure how we are going to make the lack of that experience up to Ella but maybe the Club Med right next to the square here would be a good place to start. Once she stops eating off the ground that is...

Magical Marrakesh

"Magical" is a word that is so often used to describe this city- and for good reason. The Jamma al Fma square is simply one of the most interesting cultural experiences I've ever had. Where else in the world can you see snake charmers play music to dancing cobras, get your fortune read, watch drum circles where 4 year olds dance with chickens well into the night, eat snails or sheep head for dinner and wash it down with a glass of OJ? And if that isn't enough stimula for one evening- don't miss the dancing lady boys of Morocco. Not to be confused with the lady boys of Thailand- these folks adorn themselves in belly dancing jewels and berkas. Go figure.

While most Marin parents of babies and toddlers like to relax with a glass of wine by the pool in Hawaii, Brett and I prefer to relax by not relaxing. Our flight was just a double red eye that took a cool 40 hours (without delays) and now we are happily soaking up the sun while trying to wear culturally appropriate gear in 100 degree heat. 

Walking around the old medina (walled city) here is like playing a very hard video game. First of all- the place is a maze so Brett and I spent 3 hours walking from one end back to our hotel but if that wasn't tough enough to navigate- u have all the friendly Moroccan young men telling you you're going to wrong way, and that the square is closed and today is the last day of a Berber people market that doesn't exist- all in the hopes that they will be able to be the one to lure you into their friends shop where you might pay $500 for a hand sewn doormat.

If you really get lost here don't fret. Your very own Moroccan GPS (man) will show up like a genie and walk with you to your destination, or rather his friends carpet emporium. If you decide not to go in, he'll charge you for the walk, even if he began walking with you in the first place striking up a convo about the weather.

Man do I feel for the Moroccan women who "choose" to cover up. I cannot imagine wearing head to toe clothing day in and day out in this heat!

After a cultural consultation with my friend Yalda, I decided to be respectful by wearing a sun stress that went below the knee and a light scarf over my shoulders. Apparently shoulder exposure is a no-no. However, that doesn't seem to stop the throngs of tourists dressing like they are going out to a club in Ibiza mid-day here. I don't get it.

This one chick was wearing a TIGHT and I mean TIGHT tank with her bra hanging out everywhere. Wtf. 

I saw some other girl wearing super short see-through white shorts and a tank. 

Did you sisters not get the memo? When Brett wanted to know why I was telling everyone we were from Spain- well that's why. I don't want to be associated with girls that dress like they are going to a. Frat party in a conservative country.

Oh that and when I talked to several customer service reps about making sure our credit cards worked here: "Morocco, where's that? That's not a country." OR even this sweet grandma at the airport who had a career in PR and was on her way to Rome "Morocco- I've never heard of that.... (2 mins later) Oh Morocco!! That's the tiny country next to France." Umm... No it's not. Not really. No wonder Americans get a bad rep!!!!

Our riad (hotel) is just lovely, run by a Frenchman who wears all white during he day and all black at night. His concierge speaks ok English and for some reason gets off on the word "gently". When giving us advice on what to do "go speak to the people in Jamma al Fma square gently." "The people here are gently". "You're so gently." Etc... Gently was how he described everyone but French tourists whom he doesn't like. OK. Thanks I guess.

Tonight we met up with Anne and her friend Sherry; did some more haggling and heard fortune tellers try to hook Anne up with some Morrocan hotties.

Just when I kept going on and on about how safe I feel here (there are 100 undercover cops in the square and so I'm really more likely to get pick pocketed at my local Cost Plus World Market in Marin (just happened...) I hear a British girl got macheted the other night walking back to her riad (hotel) alone. Sherry, who spends a lot of time in Tanzania responded with "well that can happen anywhere". Anne and I, "well no actually. I'm not really of any real threat of being macheted in California and certainly not in Marin." Guess it's all relative...

MARIN PROBLEM OF THE WEEK: What to buy a 40 year old for his birthday when a pony isn't good enough!!!???

My fav mom forum post of the week: "High End Gift Ideas for friend in NYC- what would you want if you could pick anything?? Hi Ladies! My husband's best friend lives in NYC and aspires to have the "best things" in life. (OY VEY....) He loves shopping at Barneys (WHO DOESN'T???), his suits are all high end and he loves dining in restaurants that offer amazing experiences (SO DO I!!!!). He's a really sweet guy but impossible to buy for. He just turned 40 and paid for a weekend for all his friends to stay in a resort in Mexico. My husband and I want to get him something that he wouldn't think to buy himself."

Jesus Christ. Can I say that the day before Easter Sunday??? Talk about FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!!!! Aside from the usual gift ideas (wine club memberships, etc...) some bozo suggested the following: "I love water buffaloes and fell in love with them while traveling in Laos. If someone donated water buffaloes in my name that would make me feel warm & fuzzy for a long time. An accompanying gift like a stuffed water buffalo or figurine would make me remember this gift for a long time. And if he loves Mexico, how about a whale shark?"

HOLY HELL SISTER! Why not just buy him a small Caribbean island while you're at it.

Gotta love Marin...

My favorite toddler moment of the week

Maddox learned a new cool trick this week- peeking under the stall. Ahhh fun moments in having a curious toddler!!!

Is it OK to date a non-MBA in Marin???

My favorite post on the mom forum this week revolves around getting a second chance at life after a divorce and whether its OK to date a man who is not "Mr FiDi/MBA/Green Tech/Super lawyer" if he's perfect in every other way and would be a great father to this woman's young child?

I'm not sure which part is more important- the fact that her new man is not "IN in Marin" because he doesn't have a solar powered house and may not even compost his breakfast or the fact that he really doesn't make anywhere close to $400k a year- because just about every other family here does.

At first I read this post, laughed and thought ONLY in Marin.... Then I remembered the housing prices in this area and thought hmmm- maybe she has a valid point!